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If I ever write a highly erotic version of the Bible, and I might, the scene where Moses goes up Mount Sinai to retrieve the word of God will have a slightly different spin. In my version, what the prophet will bring back to us will still be 10 Commandments, but they will be the 10 Blow Job Commandments, and they will go something like this:. If you're going to give head, your teeth cannot exist. There are a million ways to give an unsatisfactory blow job, but this is the sure-fire way to give an unpleasant one.

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